This Is Me

It’s strange how one gets used to not being heard, and in truth, I’ve resigned myself to it. The way people circumvent certain issues or talk over me, are all part and parcel of what has become my life. I do not have a voice, either in real-life or here over the internet…well, not one that that anyone listens to, and I’m sadly lacking in friends who don’t roll their eyes or avoid any mention of my illness. Although I feel a tad lonely at times, it’s a comfortable sort of loneliness. There are no sighs to listen to, no eye rolling to witness and no-one to make me feel inadequate for being me.
Having an invisible illness, sorts out the true from the false. The ones you thought were friends and the ones who truly are. It’s an eye opener to how others view you and a reality check to your status. The mourning process is never easy when you lament the life you once had or the person you used to be. But it makes me glad of the small things and the fact that I am here and present.
This is me, letting it out. 🙂

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17 thoughts on “This Is Me

  1. I so get this Lily. The worst is when your friends, well-meaning, of course, say things like, “C’mon. Get out. It’ll be good for you.” Or “You can’t stay in the house all day.” “What? You’re still in bed. What’s wrong with you?” And let’s not forget those functions you do manage to drag yourself to but because you’re in so much pain and not much fun you don’t get the invite to the next function. Or, you don’t get invited at all because, “Well, I figured you were sick so what’s the point?” You’re right. Eventually, people fall away and those left standing. Those are the hearts and hands you need to hang onto forever because they’ll always be there no matter what. – Keep on letting it out. *That* truly is good for you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are SO right! I’ve heard all those ‘well meaning’ words and no longer get invited to any of my friend’s functions. They seem to take it as a personal slight and get quite offended when you can’t make. But just as you wrote, you drag your painful butt out but have to leave early. I hate seeing that pissed off look on people’s faces when I do, so I suppose that it’s better not to attend.
      When they start to fall away, it’s surprising the very few who are left standing.
      I will continue to keep on letting it out, as should you. It’s too painful and disheartening to keep it in. xx

      Liked by 1 person

        • I am so thankful for the one friend who gets it and that’s because she sees her mum going through a similar experience on a daily basis.
          I feel so sorry for those who get in your firing line, but I also know that they’re the ones who probably have some home truths coming their way.
          Stay strong Karen. People like you are worth more than diamonds. xx

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh No – don’t tell me you are FROZEN 🙂 (ok, that was a very weak effort, I apologise).
    I agree with the sentiments though – I am a volcano – I erupt without warning and then 5 minutes after all is well for me (bugger the others!). 🙂
    “The mourning process is never easy when you lament the life you once had or the person you used to be. But it makes me glad of the small things and the fact that I am here and present.”
    The small things are were it’s at. All those small things keep you anchored to your life and help it be ok.
    Hugs (and that wasn’t a small hug – it was freaking ginormous).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! When I first saw the picture, I did start singing “Let it go.”

      With friends and family, I try to be diplomatic and so hold my tongue quite a lot. But when I feel like I’m about to explode, I withdraw away from everyone. If I didn’t, I’d be in jail for first degree murder.

      As always, you make absolute sense. Sometimes I need to have something like that pointed out to me to see the true meaning of it. Thank you, and a ginormous hug back. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lily, I think having an invisible illness is the worst and fibro is so misunderstood as an illness. It really does sort out the true from the false friends. I may know you only as a friend on the web but I love you for who you are, and I consider you one of my dearest friends!

    Liked by 1 person

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